CRAVING AND RESISTING CHANGE
Hello Dear Hearts,
We are hardwired to resist change and yet change is inevitable. We need change in order to expand and grow our possibilities even when the uncertainty of it all fills us with doubt and fear. Which means as much as we resist it, we also crave it. So when the anxious pangs of change start to emerge from within us, what can we do?
Know that there is nothing wrong with you for freaking out
One of my favorite pieces of wisdom from healer, author, master coach, and trauma specialist Resmaa Menakem, is “protective not defective. You are not defective”.
In attempting to protect us from the perceived threat of what might happen as the result of change, our nervous system sends us messages to dodge, brace, hide, procrastinate, numb, make excuses etc, even when our logical brains want change and knows it will be good for us. This is a whole area of somatic education that is deep and connected to just about everything. As I am in my own process of learning, I'm not equipped to dive into the subject any more than that, but encourage your own exploration, resourcing, and reaching out to trusted therapists, and educators for support and knowledge.
As a coach, what I do know is that bringing this awareness of our amazing nervous systems into perspective, opens up space in us for compassion and discernment. Is it really a life and death situation if I fail, or am I just feeling the effects of stepping out of my comfort zone, and stretching into a new area of growth and desire? And from there, we can access a bit of inner resource and creativity.. What can I do to navigate “x” or what small steps can I take that will point me in the direction that feels good? Instead of focusing on all the unknowns, What do I know?
I guarantee you know things :)
Ask yourself, if nothing changes, what will be the cost?
This one gets me every time, and is always impactful with my clients. Especially when taking a big leap into the unknown or opening up an area of vulnerability that deep down will lead to healing, growth, and happiness even though the process feels crunchy as hell.
If everything stays the same, what then?
I’ll still be miserable at my job...
I won’t make the art project I want to create in the way that my heart tells me and I will continue to feel bad or resentful about it…
My relationship won’t ever evolve…
I’ll continue bad habits I know aren’t good for me…
My body will continue to feel unhealthy…
I'll still be complaining about the same things…
I’ll still be making less money than I know I’m capable of…
I’ll never know if I could actually...
I’ll always wonder what if….
And so on.
Trust that your intuition, your body, your mind, (however you want to think about it) is whispering change for a reason
I think this can be a magical time of year for slowing down, preparing for rest, and listening for what we truly desire. Trusting that the day we plant the seed is not the day we eat the fruit, and that without the seed there is no fruit.
So, deep breath my loves.
As Octavia Butler writes, “God is change”.
Happy New Moon,
Tara
COMMUNITY RESOURCES
I recently caught wind of Emilyn Kowaleski’s consultation offering for writers and storytellers and I think they are incredible and wanted to share it with you!